The Jive and Live Five – Week 7

The Jive Five

28.   Vikings – Flashes of greatness from Christian Ponder, superstar play from Jared Allen – These guys won’t be here long.

29.   Cardinals – Kevin Kolb seems to have been a bad decision, they are slobbing Kolb!

30.   Dolphins – Up 15-0 with 3 minutes versus the Broncos, and they get a back slap from god himself!  There is no stopping Divine intervention.

31.   Rams – When you thought it couldn’t get any worse, Sam Bradford goes down with an injury. On the bright side, they should get a high draft pick to help out on offense.

32    Colts – Not sure what #5 means to this chick, but I am sure she didn’t paint the number on her body because Kerry Collins wears it.  Maybe it’s the number of dudes she hooked up with this weekend because of the Colts 62-7 loss to the Saints, either way its super hot.  What is not hot is her messy room!  What a slob!

Out of Jive - Jaguars

The Live Five

1.      Packers – Only undefeated team left and winter is approaching, now go try to beat them in Lambeau.

2.      Patriots – Pats, Pats, Pats…  Looks like a 13-3 year or better is inevitable.

3.     49ers – With Cleveland coming into town, looks like the Niners will keep rolling.

4.     Saints – 62-7, nuff said.   

5.      Steelers – Slow start, but Big Ben and the boys are back to their winning ways.

Out of Live – Lions, Ravens 

The Jive and Live Five – Week 6

The Jive Five

28.   Jaguars –This team should just move to L.A.

29.   Cardinals –Larry Fitzgerald got his contract, but that’s all he got.  Kurt Warner’s phone is ringing.

30.   Colts – Painter may be painting a life size portrait of Andrew Luck for Jim Irsay.

31.   Rams – The pick up of Brandon Lloyd should help this useless receiving corps, if Sam Bradford can get healthy they may step it up.

32    Dolphins - Matt Moore should change his name to Matt Less.  Good thing the Dolphin fans have girls like this to make life a bit more enjoyable during these rough times.

The Live Five

1.      Packers – Aaron Rodgers has lived up to his billing.  Will be top 3 overall fantasy pick in 2012 if he keeps it up.

2.      Ravens – Next three are Jags, Cardinals and Seahawks.  I don’t see them losing.

3.     Patriots – The Cowboys played them tough, but Brady was Brady again in the final 2 minutes.  

4.     49ers -  Jim Harbaugh may get this team to 13-3 and have a first round bye in the playoffs.  Amazing being they did NOTHING during the off season.

5.      Lions – I am convinced that the Lions lost Sunday’s game because the Booty Lounge was impounded.  Free the Booty Lounge! 

B.J. the Greek - Monday Night Pick

Jets -5.5 vs. Dolphins
We are buying a point here for -130. Jets have lost to three 2011 playoff teams this year, all on the road (Ravens, Raiders, Patriots). Expect the Jets to come out and THROTTLE the Dolphins. Reggie Bush is not an every down back, not sure what Miami was thinking! Rookie Daniel Thomas has played well, but was out last week and should be limited due to a hamstring injury tonight. Brandon Marshall hopes to be ejected by the second quarter, and Matt Moore is making his first start of the year at QB. Fun times to be a Dolphins fan! Expect the Jets D to cause MAJOR problems for Miami who is in the middle of their SUCK 4 LUCK campaign. Expect the Jets offense to click tonight, a big game from Shonn Greene, big plays to Holmes and Burress, and the Jets to roll to a double digit win. The Greek went 3-0 yesterday (Packers, Eagles, Falcons) and we are confident the Jets will cover this game.
(Jets 2-3 WL, 1-4 ATS) (Dolphins 0-4 WL, 1-3 ATS)

Brandon Marshall... is NUTS

Brandon Marshall’s goal for Monday Night’d game against the Jets?
Help the Dolphins get their first victory?
100+ yards receiving?
Catch three touchdowns?
NOPE
Marshall’s goal is to “get kicked out in the second quarter.” He stated that four separate times on Thursday.
“I think the past four games have been tough for me, trying to control some things, and, hey man, I’m just going to let it out,”

“I don’t care if I have two, three cameras on me. I don’t care if I have penalties. It doesn’t matter; I’m going to let it all out. I don’t care what you guys write or what the commentators say. I’m just going to play football. That’s what I’m best at. I’m best when I play emotional. I’m best when I play with passion. You guys are going to see that on Monday Night Football. I don’t know if it’s throwing a football 15 yards in the bleachers, or getting a 15-yarder [penalty], or punting the ball and getting thrown out of the game. But something is going to happen. I’ll probably get kicked out after the second quarter.”

When reporters asked Marshall if he was kidding, he replied:

“I’m not joking. I’m serious. They want to fine me, hit me with a $50,000 fine. I’m going to play. The quarter and a half I’m out there, I’m going to play like a monster. I might get into a fight with Bart Scott. [Antonio] Cromartie, we pretty much matured our relationship a little bit. We used to fight in Denver and San Diego. If that happens, it happens. We’ll see.”

Its all good though, because this offseason Marshall was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Does that just mean that he is only crazy part of the time? Here’s a Beer Mug cheers to hoping that Marshall goes ABSOLUTELY APE SHIT in Monday nights game vs. the Jets. Not just gets ejected, like causes a major scene, punches Rex Ryan right in the GUT! Something to the point where security is called in to TAZER him. Yeah, thats what i'm Beer Mugging for.

The Live and Jive Five - Week 5

The Jive Five

28.   Cardinals – 4 losses in a row has the state of Arizona looking to deport Kevin Kolb to Mexico.

29.   Dolphins – The only thing that kept this team from falling lower is that they had a bye.  Will be 0-5, at NY Jets next week.

30.   Eagles – Holy Moly! Talk about a bad situation.  This team made my Jive Five 2 weeks ago as a joke, but they have lived up to their ranking.  Vick may go back to holding dog fights to get away from this losing team.

31.   Rams – Had a Bye this week, may be the only week they don’t get a loss.  It’s not looking too promising for the 32^nd ranked offense verses the #1 ranked Packers next week.

32    Colts – The above picture explains how Colt fans feel when they wake up every day.

The Live Five

1.      Packers – Big second half by the Pack - if the defense figures it out, it’s over!

2.      Lions – First 5-0 start since 1956, imagine the NFL was still locked out – we would all still think that the Lions suck.

3.      Ravens – Bye week for these guys..  Resting up to put the hammer down on the quick dropping Texans.

4.      Patriots – Not sure if they have a defense, but the offense seems like it can play both sides of the ball if needed.

5.      Saints – Almost took it deep from the Camthers, but they came back like an oral herpes outbreak on Bourbon Street during Marti Gras. 

The Jive and Live Five – Week 4

The Jive Five

28.   Dolphins – Tony Sparano is officially on the chopping block, tough go in the AFC east for the Phins.

29.   Eagles – The 1-3 dream team is playing like a peewee squad.  WTF was Ronnie Brown thinking?

30.   Colts – It’s amazing how much one person can mean to a team.   The Colts suck without Peyton Manning.

31.   Rams – This team has zero offensive threats, it’s going to be a tough year for young Sam Bradford.

32    Vikings – Thought this picture would cheer you Viking fans up.  It was much better than my second choice, which involved Brett Farve, Donovan McNabb, a donkey, a case of Ensure and seat less chaps.

The Live Five

1.       Packers – Aaron Rodgers is your first quarter MVP.

2.       Saints – They are dancing in the urine scented streets of the French Quarter.

3.       Lions – It only took 50 years, but Detroit has finally built a contender.

4.       Ravens – Dismantled the Jets on Sunday night, they made Mark Sanchez look like Matt Leinart.

5.       Texans – Its going to be tough if they are missing big Andre the next few weeks, but the Texans are looking sharp thus far.

Stolen Dolphin Jerseys

Two men were arrested and charged with stealing Miami Dolphin jersey's from the Sun Life Stadium store during Sunday's Dolphins game against the Houston Texans. No big deal right? Well take a look at the video clip below. The two defendants show up to court the next day wearing Dolphin jerseys!!! Maybe their Armani suits were at the dry cleaners? It's probably all just a big misunderstanding as Nelson Walker one of the co-defendants ONLY has 29 prior felonies. Here is my question, is there anyone even on the Dolphins worth having a jersey of? I dont think those Chad Henne jerseys are flying off the shelves. Lets at least hope they were copping the #13 Dan Marino throwback.

The Evolution of the Pom Pom

There are many old time traditions at a football game - Tailgating, booze, food, friends, sportsmanship, competition, etc.  All of those are great, but possibly the greatest of traditions is the Pro Football Cheerleader.  Cheerleaders have been around for decades and they bring a ton of excitement to the game experience.  Check out a photo of an old time Miami Dolphin Cheerleading squad from the 1970's.

Notice the large over sized pom-pom's, 1970's in every way.  It is hard not to equate the size of the pom-pom with the decade's over grown pubic hair craze.   As the years went by and bushes were trimmed, the pom-pom evolved into a nice manageable poof, stylish, but almost non-existent - See recent Dolphin Cheerleaders:

Looks to be nice, trimmed and ready for action.