The Jive and Live Five – Week 7

The Jive Five

28.   Vikings – Flashes of greatness from Christian Ponder, superstar play from Jared Allen – These guys won’t be here long.

29.   Cardinals – Kevin Kolb seems to have been a bad decision, they are slobbing Kolb!

30.   Dolphins – Up 15-0 with 3 minutes versus the Broncos, and they get a back slap from god himself!  There is no stopping Divine intervention.

31.   Rams – When you thought it couldn’t get any worse, Sam Bradford goes down with an injury. On the bright side, they should get a high draft pick to help out on offense.

32    Colts – Not sure what #5 means to this chick, but I am sure she didn’t paint the number on her body because Kerry Collins wears it.  Maybe it’s the number of dudes she hooked up with this weekend because of the Colts 62-7 loss to the Saints, either way its super hot.  What is not hot is her messy room!  What a slob!

Out of Jive - Jaguars

The Live Five

1.      Packers – Only undefeated team left and winter is approaching, now go try to beat them in Lambeau.

2.      Patriots – Pats, Pats, Pats…  Looks like a 13-3 year or better is inevitable.

3.     49ers – With Cleveland coming into town, looks like the Niners will keep rolling.

4.     Saints – 62-7, nuff said.   

5.      Steelers – Slow start, but Big Ben and the boys are back to their winning ways.

Out of Live – Lions, Ravens 

The Colts get CRUSHED on SNF - Note to Colt Fans.

After a 62-7 beat down by the Saints, we could only find one guy who still thought the Colts actually had a defense and that they were the #1 team!  Like you, we are questioning his mental capacity.

Saints quarterback Drew Brees completed 31 of 35 passes in the victory and had 325 yards and 5 touchdowns!  Perfection is his middle name, actually its Christopher – but who really cares.

For you Colt Fans, it cannot get worse than a 55 point loss and a 0-7 start, but here are a few things to look forward to in the next 10 months.

1.       Getting Peyton Manning back – This guy seems to be worth 10-12 wins all by himself, he is the most valuable player in a team sport since Eddie Gaedel.  

2.       Drafting Andrew Luck – Having him learn under Peyton Manning would be like a modern day Plato being taught by Socrates' equivalent.

3.       Getting a Win – Colt fans have been spoiled with 10 plus win seasons for many years. Sucks to be 0-7, but when you get that first win after this losing streak it is going to be like a crack heads first hit of crack after withdrawal.   Sit back and enjoy it!

4.       Drunk/Depressed Female Fans – Always looking for a warm shoulder to cry on.

5.       Training Camp – Since 2011 is a no-show, start planning for 2012 – Peyton’s comeback year!

The Live and Jive Five - Week 5

The Jive Five

28.   Cardinals – 4 losses in a row has the state of Arizona looking to deport Kevin Kolb to Mexico.

29.   Dolphins – The only thing that kept this team from falling lower is that they had a bye.  Will be 0-5, at NY Jets next week.

30.   Eagles – Holy Moly! Talk about a bad situation.  This team made my Jive Five 2 weeks ago as a joke, but they have lived up to their ranking.  Vick may go back to holding dog fights to get away from this losing team.

31.   Rams – Had a Bye this week, may be the only week they don’t get a loss.  It’s not looking too promising for the 32^nd ranked offense verses the #1 ranked Packers next week.

32    Colts – The above picture explains how Colt fans feel when they wake up every day.

The Live Five

1.      Packers – Big second half by the Pack - if the defense figures it out, it’s over!

2.      Lions – First 5-0 start since 1956, imagine the NFL was still locked out – we would all still think that the Lions suck.

3.      Ravens – Bye week for these guys..  Resting up to put the hammer down on the quick dropping Texans.

4.      Patriots – Not sure if they have a defense, but the offense seems like it can play both sides of the ball if needed.

5.      Saints – Almost took it deep from the Camthers, but they came back like an oral herpes outbreak on Bourbon Street during Marti Gras. 

The Jive and Live Five – Week 4

The Jive Five

28.   Dolphins – Tony Sparano is officially on the chopping block, tough go in the AFC east for the Phins.

29.   Eagles – The 1-3 dream team is playing like a peewee squad.  WTF was Ronnie Brown thinking?

30.   Colts – It’s amazing how much one person can mean to a team.   The Colts suck without Peyton Manning.

31.   Rams – This team has zero offensive threats, it’s going to be a tough year for young Sam Bradford.

32    Vikings – Thought this picture would cheer you Viking fans up.  It was much better than my second choice, which involved Brett Farve, Donovan McNabb, a donkey, a case of Ensure and seat less chaps.

The Live Five

1.       Packers – Aaron Rodgers is your first quarter MVP.

2.       Saints – They are dancing in the urine scented streets of the French Quarter.

3.       Lions – It only took 50 years, but Detroit has finally built a contender.

4.       Ravens – Dismantled the Jets on Sunday night, they made Mark Sanchez look like Matt Leinart.

5.       Texans – Its going to be tough if they are missing big Andre the next few weeks, but the Texans are looking sharp thus far.